I am fabulous

It's official, I just had an end of project review and my immediate boss thinks I'm the bees knees, I take on lots of challenges and am quick to adapt to new situations and says how I've made everyone's lives much more interesting just by being around - and she said that was a good thing! She's also said that by bringing me on board she has received praise as well.

Oh isn't that just a wonderful way to finish a Tuesday!

Right, I have a few loose ends to tie up in the next 3 days then I'm off On Tour, as mentioned below I'm heading to the Americas this summer.
Plan A is to head to Vancouver, then Vancouver Island for some much needed fresh air and exercise, I shall be hiking (!!!) for 2 weeks and then I'm heading across the boarder to the PNW where if I am extremely lucky I shall be having even more adventures.

I'm thinking of taking a week in LA or perhaps Vegas, and as I'll be travelling alone for that part of my trip I'm hoping I can have some fun times.

If not then I'll either fly over to NY where I have friends and family, or down to Charleston where my cousin lives with her military husband - her reply to my "perhaps I might come visit, would that be ok?" was to say "Well the only thing here are 30,000 marines, but you're welcome to come visit" - after 10 years of living in Asia and being very low on the dating pile she has no idea how enticing that sounds.
But quite honestly, I'm not fixing anything in stone, its all going to be about where the wind and the mood (and the airline prices) take me.

So, if you had a week to show me around your home town/city/area what would you suggest?

Conversation with aging parents

My father called me* this evening, and after a full dissection of why I didn't answer the phone when he called earlier. (I was out!) He asked ........

Father: "would you like to talk to your mother**
Mia: "umm ok, if she wants to"
Father (whispers): "its Mother's Day"
Mia: "not here its not, but ok, put her on"

muffled conversation in the background
Father: "It's Mia, she wants to talk to you"
Mother: "But I'm making the tea"
Father: "It's ok, the tea can wait"
Mother: "Oh ok then"

Mother: "Hello"
Mia: "Are you having a good day Mother?"
Mother: "Oh thank you yes, we've just heard that your Father's 2nd cousin has just died, I never met her but your Father said that Grandma took you once to her place in Portsmouth for afternoon tea - do you remember her? You must have been about 6."
Mia: Not really, Grandma took me to lots of relatives for afternoon tea.
Mother: Well we are going to the funeral and apparently the service is going to be held at XXXX Abbey, which as you know*** is just a ruin so it should be quite an interesting service"
Mia: "As long as it doesn't rain, so how are you?"
Mother: "Ok then, bye"

Yep, thats one of the 3 conversations that my mother and I have had since last August.
~sigh~
And yet I still have people not believing me when I tell them she has no interest in me.

This phone call is even more odd when you remember that they didn't bother calling me on Christmas Day, New Years Day or my birthday last year. Yet I'm still expected to wish her a Happy Mother's Day.











*A very rare happening these days
** A never before suggested idea
*** Actually I didn't, but great, now I do!

Expectations of honesty

Peter and I had briefly dated back in London, his sister was a really good friend of mine and she did all she could to warn me off him - saying he was a total player and ran around misbehaving - but he wooed me, sent me V Day cards with poems hand written inside, was so tactile that I was never short of hugs and kisses, sent me plants (he knew I liked them more than flowers*) he persuaded me for quite a while until he caught me - then after a whirl wind romance for 4 months, we lots of great weekend away, we broke up. But I was ok about it, I had gone into the whole thing with my eyes open and was fully briefed by his sister. It all ended well enough that I was able to spend special celebrations with my friend and her family without any awkwardness. We did truly remain friends - as much for his sisters sake as our own.
Years later we had lost touch, I'd moved to Hong Kong and Peter had got married, had a 2 year old daughter and another baby due in 3 more months. This I only knew because his sister and I exchanged occasional emails.

I took a phone call one Thursday, it was Peter, calling from Heathrow airport - he and his wife and child were travelling to Australia - to live for a year - they both worked for an airline so were on standby tickets and had just been told they would have a flight via Hong Kong - was I going to be free for breakfast on Saturday morning? They would have 12 hours to pass at the airport and did I fancy coming to meet up?
I said yes, I went out to the airport and had breakfast with them, they had arrived late the night before and Peter's wife was 6 months pregnant, with a toddler and exhausted.
She went back to the hotel room for another nap after breakfast and Peter and I took the toddler to the playpark area. Peter told me that as far as his wife knew, I was just a friend of his and his sisters - it was in fact his sister who had mentioned me being in Hong Kong. I laughed and said that was fine by me, in fact I did think of myself as 'just a friend' rather than anything else towards him - and that was that. A few hours passed and we said goodbye - he headed back to the hotel to gather up all their luggage and head back to the check in desk. I walked away thinking how nicely things had worked out for them.

4 hours later I got a phone call from Peter. He said that there hadn't been enough standby tickets for the 3 of them, so he had sent his wife and toddler on to Australia and he would take the flight the next day. Could he crash at my place on the Saturday night. he'd been to HK before so he was happy doing his own thing.

He's a friend right? So I said yes but that I had a date lined up so he could crash at my place but that if he wanted to go out and about he'd be on his own - he was happy enough with that plan - after all he wanted to explore what HK had to offer to a single looking guy. (this should have been my warning flag #1) I gave him my address and he dropped off his bags, gave him a spare key and made up the spare room and was showered and ready for a night out long before my date showed up.
We went our separate ways, I had a fun night out with my date and Peter no doubt had a good night in Wanchai. I never heard him come in, but it was after me and that was about 3am, so I didn't rush to wake him too early. But when it got to about 10am and he hadn't surfaced I woke him as I knew he'd have to get out to the airport to get his next flight. He told me he'd phoned in** and there wasn't a flight for him then either so was it ok if he stayed another day.
He checked his messages to find one from his wife, she'd been diverted to another airport due to bad weather so had had to hire a car and drive herself and child and luggage (in the terrible weather) to the town where they had a rented house waiting for them - 7 hours drive away. This sounded awful for the poor woman, but Peter seemed in no hurry to join her. In fact he lounged around the apartment for ages before announcing that he was going to head out into Wanchai on Sunday afternoon. Apparently he'd been talking to some guys on Saturday night who told him all about the situation that is HK on a Sunday afternoon - a huge amount of young Filipino/Thai/Indonesian maids use their one day off a week to hang out at bars in the hopes of having some fun with their friends, and if they could pick up some paying western men for the afternoon then all the better. Anyone that's lived in HK for even a month knows that these part time prostitutes have a terrible life with their employers and this is their one ticket out of the drudgery they face week in and week out. The majority of the drinking and the pay for play goes on before 7pm as most of these ladies have to be back at their employers homes for curfew.

So off Peter went to Wanchai, I had invited him to join me at a brunch I was having with friends, but he wasn't interested. I got home about 3pm and was reading the sunday papers on the sofa when I heard his key in the door, I also heard giggling of the female kind.
He walked into my apartment with a bar girl he'd picked up. He brought a whore into my home to screw her. He was surprised to see me, but just said that he'd just come back for an hour or so and they would be gone again. I stood there for a second dumbfounded.
And then very calmly I told him that under no circumstances would he be setting one more foot into my home. He was to leave now and take his guest with him. I then walked into his room, grabbed his bag and handed it to him and told him that he was no longer welcome in my home.
He tried to argue the matter with me but I ignored him and asked the woman to leave - as she stood at the door putting her boots back on*** I asked her if she cared that he was a married man with children. I was of course wasting my breath - she just shrugged at me and said she didn't care - it was just money, not love so it was ok.
They left.
As they did my phone rang, it was my brother, he knew Peter quite well as they'd met on many occasions over the years and being the upright honest bloke that he is, he was just as disgusted with him as I was. When I said to my sib "why is this upsetting me so much" he came out with a very wise answer which I've never forgotten "Because if things had turned out differently between you and Peter, it could have been you that he was messing around on - and you have expectations of honesty from men that you care about" We talked for a while and he calmed me down, then I went to make myself some supper.
Then the doorbell rang, Peter was back. It had only been about 20 mins since he'd left so I pressume he just dropped her back in Wanchai then came home. He wasn't drunk - not that that is an excuse to screw around on your wife and children. I opened the door to him and he begged me to let him stay.
I've never spoken to anyone with such disgust in my voice as I did that evening, I told him that he could literally sleep here and that was that. I didn't want to speak to him or see him. He came in and went to hug me - I said the words that to someone like me who is the most tactile person I know I thought I'd never say - I said "don't touch me, you are vile" .
At this point he finally realised my white cold anger, my disgust at his behaviour, the sorrow I felt for his wife, the pain I felt due to his actions. He begged me literally on his knees not to tell his wife or his sister. I told him to get away from me. And he did. He sat and watched the TV for a few hours then went online and booked and paid for a flight out of Hong Kong.

The next day I took the morning off work, I didn't trust him in my apartment alone. He left at about 10am and he and I have never spoken or seen each other since.

And even after that rude awakeing, I still have expectations of honesty from men that I care about.


* not that I don't like getting flowers - I really do!
** later he admitted that he hadn't even bothered calling the airline.
*** Yes he'd had the consideration to get the whore to take her shoes off!

~Thud~

That was the sound of my stomach dropping a few inches when today it was found out I was a fraud.

One of my biggest faults became obvious and I'm not sure how I will handle things tomorrow.

~sigh~

The Norm

I was hanging some photos just now, I have one set of old school/college friends/flatmates from my London days. Looking at these photos made me smile, remembering the fun and frolics of my youth. However I also realised that out of 16 people, I am the only one without a child*, so this makes me the exception to the norm. How does this make me feel?

Actually it doesn't make me feel anything at the moment, it was just an observation on a social group which all came from different places but have ended up with a common goal.

The being childless is something I'm coping well with these days, I find that occasionally spending time in the homes of those with young children to be an excellent reminder that its not all warm glows and cuddles. Those early morning negotiations just to get a bowl of cereal down a 2 year old before heading off to work are not necessarily fun times. The impulsive, lets go out for dinner or catch a movie also have to be factored around babysitting issues. Never mind the sleep in till 10am on a Sunday morning, then go for a long brunch with the papers. **
In fact I'm almost 50/50 on the whole 'do I want children?' issue - which coming from a 99.9% place is rather healthy!

But what I am finding interesting is that where I used to live and work I was the exception to the norm in that I didn't have children, in my current location and position we are the absolute majority, in fact out of 35 people that I work and socialise with, only 1 person is a parent. And for many people its an active choice to be childless, much talk of 'snips' has gone on between the menfolk.

Clearly this is helpful to my feelings of belonging, worries about being the odd one out and healthy in dealing with my 'I have failed' issues.

So instead I'm becoming more and more comfortable in the role of beloved aunt, godmother, cake baker and story reader. And so to those 15 friends from years past I send my love and best wishes, and will enjoy the photos and the stories of their children growing up without this causing me pain.


*even the 2 gay men have got children.

** Yes Yes, I know being a parent is a wonderful gift, but I'm working hard on seeing the positives of not being one.

Highlights of Summer 2007

This summer my cup of love filled to over flowing from those people in my life who love me, I'll post on those matters at a later time.

*********

I also took delight in many other places, here are just a few.

*******

The sound of wind in the trees.

The stunning wildflowers in the hedgerows.

Baking a very special birthday cake for a very special birthday Princess.

Picnics among the heather.

*******

Someone knowing me well enough to write a list for me,
that included all my favourite treats.

*******

A great hair cut with lots of curls

A bubble bath on a warm summers evening,

with the windows open looking out on to the harbour.

Honesty & communication

I've just had a long heartfelt conversation with my father, it has the possibility to change things dramatically for the better within our family.



He says he has taken onboard my comments and suggestions and can understand where misunderstandings have arisen in the past. He was totally surprised by some of my statements, not realising how his keeping things to himself has affected his children and our relationship with him.

With him if he doesn't have a plan set in stone he sees no point in even mentioning it - I told him that we (his children) no matter how old we are need to feel that we matter to him, if he ignores what is going on in our lives it just makes us appear insignificant to him.

It was the most adult conversation we have ever had.

I then called my brother to warn him that our father may be showing interest in his life and not to be too surprised.