Mother's Day

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Today is worse than Valentine's Day. At least in February most people understand what it is like to have a broken heart and to not want to celebrate a day of pink fluffy candies. But ignoring Mother's Day, well that is a lot more difficult for people to accept, so I've kept a low profile today and not said much to anyone.

I'm not a mother, and probably never will be.

My mother has spent most of my life telling me how useless, undeserving of happiness and unlovable I am.


I had 2 God Mothers, one who divorced out of the family and lost touch with me when I was about 8 years old. I didn't hear from her again till she died and found out that she had left me a nice little bequest in her will. I wish she'd made contact with me earlier.



My other Godmother is T who I loved dearly, she died 10 years ago, struck down by cancer within 5 months and I miss her so very much, especially when I've got wonderful news to share. As a teenager on Mother's Day I would send her flowers and cards and pretend she was my mother, she had no children of her own and always let me know how special I was to her. Today if I think about Mother's Day at all then I wish she were still here for me to call and tell her I love her.









Today I read these Mother's Day Secrets at Post Secret

And the postcard that I would have come closest to sending is this one


But I'm not quite there yet. There is a tiny part of my heart that still has hopes and dreams and is willing to jump through all her hoops if only she'd just love me. But the rest of me knows that this won't ever happen and I should just accept it. That's hard to do.