X man appreciation

Whilst I have to admit that Huge Jackman has rather an impressive set of arms*, surely if you were going to blow off** some of his clothes you'd not leave him with his trousers on!


How did you spend New Year's Eve 2007?
I curled up with the X-Men Trilogy - seriously one of the yummiest evenings I've had in a while.
Partly because Hugh has that whole 'Young Clint Eastwood' thing going on.

Happy New Year all.


* A well documented favourite of mine
** Yes yes, its not just his clothes I'd blow

Wandering thoughts

Sometimes I don't like where my wandering thoughts take me.

I can't die today, I haven't updated my will recently


If this new lump turns out to be cancer, I'll probably just suck it up and die, rather than fight it.


If I died, I wonder if my brother would mention it on facebook.

Perhaps I should give my brother my log in details for facebook in my will,
then he could change my status to dead.

Movie afternoon

Have just caught one of my all time favourite musicals . . .

Seven brides for seven brothers

And I only caught that because I'd turned on the TV for The Chronicles of Narnia which was one of my favourite books as a child.

Nicely done.

Blonde

I had a few friends over for drinks and nibbly bits this evening. Spent a little while flirting (whilst tipsy so it doesn't really count) with a lovely young man. I've just realised he is the first blonde man I've found attractive for a very long time. Hmmm or maybe its just that he's the first single man to flirt with me in a very long time so therefore it doesn't matter what colour his hair is. But then again have I ever knocked a man back for having the wrong colour hair? Nope I haven't. I've been turned off by men with facial fungus though. And I'm a big fan of a short short hair cut. But seriously I can't think of anyone I've fancied in YEARS that had blonde hair. Grey hair doesn't count obviously. OK, why am I rambling here instead of getting that large glass of water and heading off to bed? Why? Because.

Night.

Just one line

So after a week or so break from the whole online dating lark I thought I'd check in and see if I'd had any replies to my ad.
In fact I had 14 replies.

6 of them consisted of just single lines

1. "hey how you doing?"
2. "im fred whas youre name"
3. "do you wana suck on my hard cock?"
4. "whats your job?"
5. "I'm not your average guy"
6. "is 23 too young for you?"

Although I'm not expecting an epic novel from anyone making first contact, surely it's not too much to ask for to get more than a single line.
But that got me thinking, what one line would deserve a reply?

Taking time

I've discovered something in myself these past few weeks.
If I share myself with someone, and he or she then moves away from me I am not able to resume our level of confidant very easily. I'm not talking (just) about sexual intimacy but the intimacy of late night conversations where my barriers have been broken down and hopes, dreams and feelings are carefully slid out into the light to be examined.

What would I have liked for Christmas this year? In fact what do I want out of life?
Someone to want to spend time with me. Someone to care.

Christmas Day thoughts

Christmas tree ornaments seem to be the gift of choice this year. Among the piles of Lush (yummm) bubble bars and chocolate I've gained some decorations.

I've got a cute white and blue Dresden snowman from Amsterdam

2 green glass trees from Hong Kong

1 ornate gold & purple enamelled bauble from Vietnam

and a silver star from the UK

Yes they are all very pretty, and they will look splendid on my tree for the next few days.

**************

I'm battling with myself, not to back out of the plans for the day. Do I really want to spend the day with a friends family? Wouldn't it be easier to just stay home and ignore the day? In the past I've actually taken down my Christmas tree on the 25th, because I was 'over' the whole festive season. This year I can't do that, mostly because I've got friends coming for drinks on the 26th.

***************

Being single sucks.

************

I've made a glorious brandy pie that is sitting in my fridge right now, I'm taking it to share with friends for Christmas dinner. It is quite possibly the most calorific dish I could make, but darn its good.

********************

There are people I wish I could talk to, and wish seasons greetings too, but they are out of reach. They are busy with their own lives, in which I am only a minor player.

********

Thats not chocolate

I decided it was time to have a hair cut. I also decided to have some colour added.
I asked for chocolate brown, which was my natural colour before I moved to Asia and had the bright sun on my hair every day caused my hair to become lighter.

My hair is now black. I'm not so impressed.

First Date

I'm not a Princess, really I'm not. But on a first date I can't help but be a tad surprised to hear my date tell me of the "really cheap" place he suggests to take me for lunch. And when I say really cheap I mean the type of place that prides its self on having 2 pieces of mystery meat for 10p plus noodles. Instead we found a Japanese restaurant which was cheap and cheerful, all bright lights and plastic tables with a conveyor belt of sushi. The food was fine, the company at times amusing but no sparks were shown, not just because of the bright lights.
He was considerably older than he had let me to believe online, either that or he had led a very hard life.
After our lunch he asked "do you want to wander around the shopping mall for a while". My reply was no thanks, and that I'd be heading off to find a taxi home. To his credit he did actually dash out into the road to flag down a taxi for me, he seems like a nice enough man. He also followed up the date with a text a few hours later telling me he had had a good time meeting me.
But no, I don't see a second date in our future.

Strength

I woke up this morning with a strange feeling.
I lay there for a while trying to pin it down.
It is fear.

It would be so much easier to stay home and not face up to what might end up in tears.

I don't feel strong today.

Delicate Flower

I am SUCH a delicate flower its ridiculous.
There I was tootling along with a smile on my face, loving my new job, revelling in how well I was coping with 'stuff'. Then I get tripped up by my own sensitivity. Ok so the next day it was all fine, in fact 2 different actions by my boss made me realise that to him it was only a minor blip, yet to me it was huge.
Seriously, I need to toughen up!

~Thud~

That was the sound of my stomach dropping a few inches when today it was found out I was a fraud.

One of my biggest faults became obvious and I'm not sure how I will handle things tomorrow.

~sigh~

Just to prove its still active

Still here . . . .

The Norm

I was hanging some photos just now, I have one set of old school/college friends/flatmates from my London days. Looking at these photos made me smile, remembering the fun and frolics of my youth. However I also realised that out of 16 people, I am the only one without a child*, so this makes me the exception to the norm. How does this make me feel?

Actually it doesn't make me feel anything at the moment, it was just an observation on a social group which all came from different places but have ended up with a common goal.

The being childless is something I'm coping well with these days, I find that occasionally spending time in the homes of those with young children to be an excellent reminder that its not all warm glows and cuddles. Those early morning negotiations just to get a bowl of cereal down a 2 year old before heading off to work are not necessarily fun times. The impulsive, lets go out for dinner or catch a movie also have to be factored around babysitting issues. Never mind the sleep in till 10am on a Sunday morning, then go for a long brunch with the papers. **
In fact I'm almost 50/50 on the whole 'do I want children?' issue - which coming from a 99.9% place is rather healthy!

But what I am finding interesting is that where I used to live and work I was the exception to the norm in that I didn't have children, in my current location and position we are the absolute majority, in fact out of 35 people that I work and socialise with, only 1 person is a parent. And for many people its an active choice to be childless, much talk of 'snips' has gone on between the menfolk.

Clearly this is helpful to my feelings of belonging, worries about being the odd one out and healthy in dealing with my 'I have failed' issues.

So instead I'm becoming more and more comfortable in the role of beloved aunt, godmother, cake baker and story reader. And so to those 15 friends from years past I send my love and best wishes, and will enjoy the photos and the stories of their children growing up without this causing me pain.


*even the 2 gay men have got children.

** Yes Yes, I know being a parent is a wonderful gift, but I'm working hard on seeing the positives of not being one.

Lemonheads

My all time favourite blogger Helen is now a Mommy.

Congratulations.

Boobies

It's time for the annual Boobiethon

Home page is work safe, be careful where you go next but its all in a good cause! If you like boobies or even have a pair of your own have a look, make a donation and even better submit a photo of your own. And yes I will be submitting have submitted my boobies. Just like I have for the last few years.

How about you?

Life stuff

Not sure that anyone is dropping by anymore, but I'm a little bit busy finding my direction in my new life at the moment.
All is fine, this time no one has died and/or broken my heart. I'm just a bit busy.

x

p.s. You could find me at Memento Mori from time to time though.

Quick list

Knee still sore and stiff, but not slowing me down anymore.

Tummy reallllly sore due to this.

Think I might be getting addicted to Night Nurse cough syrup, I'm sleeping very well on it!

Today I had NO spam in my inbox at all.



All in all things are going well.

Ouchy

.
I tripped over* and smashed my knee against a stone step at 10 o'clock this morning. Sat down and tried not to cry for a little while then carried on with the days plan (boating). By the time I got home it has swollen so much I can hardly bend it. So am just about to go to sleep with a fresh bag of frozen peas strapped up to it.

How was your day?



* was totally sober at the time!

It has come to this

Today, for the first time in memory, I can't wear a matching set of lingerie. Just my luck I'll get run over by a bus today!

Favourite Post of The Day

.

Driver has some insightful words.

Highlights of Summer 2007

This summer my cup of love filled to over flowing from those people in my life who love me, I'll post on those matters at a later time.

*********

I also took delight in many other places, here are just a few.

*******

The sound of wind in the trees.

The stunning wildflowers in the hedgerows.

Baking a very special birthday cake for a very special birthday Princess.

Picnics among the heather.

*******

Someone knowing me well enough to write a list for me,
that included all my favourite treats.

*******

A great hair cut with lots of curls

A bubble bath on a warm summers evening,

with the windows open looking out on to the harbour.

Pink bits

.

I just spent the afternoon at this beautiful spot, had a yummy picnic and got lost in a book. Got so lost that I now have pink bits at the back of my knees - hmmm this could make driving a little uncomfortable tomorrow. Ah well, it still was a beautiful day.

Plenty of Knobs in Dorset

..

Catching Up

I've just spent the last couple of hours flicking through my Google Reader, turning at first to the section marked 'Top of the Pile', those of course are the blogs whose entries I read no matter what the subject - 'tis a small yet select listing. And I was very happy to see that one of my furry creatures is back again, Welcome Back Wombat. Also pleased to see that my favourite Dad seems to be back on full posting form - RP, and a few worrying posts from my #1 favourite blogger Helen.

Oh its nice to be back online!

Some photos

Old enough to be . . . .

.
It's late, I'm a little tipsy but . . . I've just got home from having dinner with a young* man who was the most amusing, attentive, interesting dinner companion I've enjoyed in quite some time. Sitting outside the restaurant over looking the Thames the evening just sped past. Tonight will go down as one of my favourite nights so far on this trip. Quite unexpectedly.

*yes, really rather young

A few things I don’t economise on . . .

.
Dentist
Lingerie
Ice cream
Moving companies
Egyptian cotton bed sheets

Packers

.
30th June

Like a swarm of bees, an army of ants or a well choreographed troop of dancers the packers move about my apartment, there is no role for me in this play so I retreat to a window seat and keep out of their way. All I hear is the screech of tape being pulled again and again, occasional voices in quiet conversation and laughter. Only three times in 3 hours do they approach me, the first time to let me know that the phone company have arrived to cut off my internet connection, the second to show me a wallet* they have found behind some shelves and the third time to let me know they are going for their lunch break.



As they close the door behind them I ~sigh~, I look around the ordered chaos and enjoy the silence. I wander from room to room and back again, after weeks of frantic running around today there is nothing I can do but to sit back and let things happen as I’ve arranged.
I decide to make a call, I look for my landline phone, its hidden behind a maze of boxes, I call myself from my mobile so that I know which boxes to move. I find the phone and sit down in the corner beside it to make a call. I call my best friend, she hears my voice and knows that I’m feeling a little wobbly, she says the right things, she reminds me that I’m making the right move for many many reasons, she calms me. I go to the fridge and pull out the chicken salad I’d made myself last night, I sit and eat on the floor, surrounded by all these material possessions I have ‘burdened’ myself with over the last decade and beyond. I feel better with some food inside me. My mobile clicks with a new message received, it’s someone elses news, I laugh out loud as I read the texts that follow, enjoying the distraction.
There is a knock on the door, the packers return exactly 59 mins since they left, they start work straight away. One walks into my bedroom and starts to dismantle my bed. As he does so I think of the 3 men that I’ve known intimately in that bed, the one that I tried so/too hard to make a future with, the one that broke my heart, and the one that was taken from me by a drunk driver before we had even begun to really know each other. I wonder if I’ll be able to sleep easier in my new home, without being ‘haunted’ by thoughts of the past.

Later ……….

Now I’ve discovered that the screech of tape becomes uncomfortable to hear after 4 hours. I literally cringe now every other minute as they make up new boxes and fasten them down. They want to pack up my bedroom now, so I move to another room, I follow a small maze through the packing boxes and roll of corrugated cardboard to get to another small corner in my sitting room. As I look outside I see the rain pouring down, it’s going to be another wet weekend as Hong Kong celebrates its 10 years back under the control of the mainland.

Later still . . . .

Many boxes later their job is done. And so am I. Time to head for a shower, then a cold drink in a hot bar.

*A wallet that contains a large amount of UK cash, my UK driving license and my Boots reward card! Nice!!

Observations after my first few days in London

.
There are a LOT of good looking men in London . . . . . . a LOT, its been a bit of a drool fest to be honest.

There are many new kinds of chocolate that I just didn't know existed!

Hail hurts when wearing a little sundress when coming home from watching Wimbledon tennis - yes there was a hail storm in July!

Buying a whole new outfit for a special occasion starts out as fun, and if you 'find' the perfect outfit within 3 hours then it remains fun, any time after that without sucess and its dull.

It's a little scary when someone in Thailand sends you a text saying "You've just turned your phone on"

Right, I'm off then

.

Off on tour in Europe for 6 weeks, posting will be as and when the mood suits me, hmm pretty much like usual really then ~grin~

Take care, have a great summer/winter depending on your hemisphere!

First purchase, a pair of wellies I think!

A bit of linkage before I go

.
Comment left by a reader most likely to make me snort juice out of my nose

"i argued that hk has more to offer in terms of museums, architecture, public parks, shops- though he said london has more to offer. maybe its because im disillusioned with london and bored with this city-it is one of the most depressing cities."

Seen in the comments at Ten Things I Hate About Hong Kong

Seriously! You can stand on almost any street in South Kensington and see more museums than in the whole of Hong Kong.


"somewhere there was a mention of Cherie Blair" by Madame Chiang made me smile, although she and I seem to be bidding for the 'most stressed out by incompetence of others around us' award at the moment, she is always amusing, where as I just sound as though I'm whinging.

frus·tra·tion

.
After working on a project on and off for about 3 months I set off to complete it today, and was foiled by the concept that Hong Kong doesn't have postcodes. I fear that chocolate is the only answer on how to deal with the frustration I am feeling right now.

frus·tra·tion [/frʌˈstreɪʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciafruh-strey-shuhn]

1.	act of frustrating; state of being frustrated: the frustration of the president's efforts.

2.	an instance of being frustrated: to experience a series of frustrations before completing a project.

3.	something that frustrates, as an unresolved problem.

4.	a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.

Winding down

.
This time next week I'll be on tour. Posting may be light while I am away, yes even lighter than the last few weeks, but then again now I've got my macbook to play with the chances are higher that I'll be putting my day to day rambles down in some form or other.

You could always check in at Memento Mori if you miss me*, but I do plan to come back.


*ok so I know that's a stretch!

First

.
I've just taken off an outfit that I used to love, but perhaps its better suited to someone a little younger than I am. This is a first for me. Or maybe its just not suitable for the occasion tonight.

~sigh~

I'm still wearing my strappy high heels though, I'm not dead yet!!

Spinning

.
Going through a bit of a blank at the moment, have so much to do my wheels are spinning. Am shuffling plans around from A to B trying to come up with an answer.

*************

Sorting through drawers yesterday I came across a photo of someone which made me flinch, I thought I'd got rid of such reminders some time ago - but this one, this just somehow just laid there in wait for me. I only flinched for a moment before tossing it in the rubbish pile.

*******

Today I'm meeting 4 different men for 4 different reasons.

*******

I'm getting used to using my macbook, although I probably never realised how many shortcuts I used which I now have to relearn.

**********

I'm craving ginger.

Help

My blogger/google page has turned chinese ..... any one know how to change it back?

Update 30 secs later ........ ok so NOW its ok again, must have been those noodles I ate at lunch.

Champagne? Oh I don't mind if I do!

.
Seems I'm making a bit of a habit of this........

Fantastic nigth though.


~hic~

I broke it

.
I just broke my gmail.

Probably the worse time to do so as well. Am expecting a couple of emails that I have to reply to asap.

~sigh~

A day to snuggle up on the sofa

.
It's raining here, hard.
But that's ok because I've got oodles of things I should be doing around the flat. However as its such a horrible day I'm going to curl up on the sofa with a few books and pretend that everything isn't crowding in on me. I'm getting a little overwhelmed by my 'to do' list.

Favourite quote of the day

.

Madame Chiang : you would have been a crap Marie Antoinette!!!

Friday lunch drinks

.
It;s 8.47pm and I've just got home from lunch.

That was funb.

Nearly naked

.
In my haste to get organised and pack up my apartment ahead of my move, I've misjudged the contents of my wardrobe. This morning it was a litttttttle tricky finding a suitable outfit for work, everything seems to be either packed, in need of ironing* or in the laundry basket.
Hmmmm things can only get worse.


*A little tricky as I have sold my iron, I never used it much anyway.

Playing

.
Ohhhhhh its like learning to walk all over again, but this time in different shoes.

Treats

.
I just did it.

~grin~

Oh I love new toys!! Now I just have to start drinking coffee to make full use of it obviously!

Women In Art

.
This is one of the best clips I've seen in a very long time

Seriously?

.
I was talking to someone today, he wanted to buy a table I am selling and asked if it could be easily transported.

Mia: Well the legs of the table don't fold, but you can unscrew them.

A: Oh, right, then how would I put them back again.

Mia: With a screwdriver.

A: I can't do that.

Mia: You don't have a screwdriver? You can buy one very cheaply from the shop along the road.

A: No, I mean I don't know how to use one.

Mia: Oh.

I could never ever take ANYONE seriously who had reached his mid 30's and never used a screwdriver.

Fat rant

Pirate Wench wanabe

.
Ohhhhhhh finally a reality TV show that I could imagine watching!

Pirate Master

OK, so not really, but I do have a 'thing' for pirates, have done ever since I was 13 and had an erotic dream about being kidnapped by a band of them and being lashed to the mast. . .

~ahem~

Best stop there I think.

Shelf life

.
OK, just to really rub it in, the child upstairs woke me today with the TFWM again.

As I checked my emails between gentle sips of water (still got a delicate tummy) I see an email from my aunt, letting me know that cousin S has got engaged after years of living in sin.
So I spent today humming TFWM which must have seemed very strange to everyone that knows me and quietly feeling sorry for myself that I really was the last one on the shelf in the family - and how this will be pointed out to me by every single relation* at my sibling's upcoming nuptials this summer.
Quick chat with my sis about some other family business and I mentioned it, she burst out laughing and reminded me about our rather 'odd' and very effeminate 2nd cousin P - and how he isn't married either - so I'm not quite the only one left!

*It's the prospect of the nose rubbing and the pitiful comments from the family that annoys me rather than the actual fact, they all seriously see me as having failed in life because I've not got married and had babies. Of course what makes this harder to deal with is that I'd love to be loved and have babies! I've just got to go prepared with some good answers to the questions that are going to be thrust at me every time I turn around.

If you think this post sounds familiar, then you are correct.

~bleh~

.
Not my favourite day so far this week ....

I've got something awful going on in my tummy, I have had terrible tummy spasms of pain every time I even drink water never mind eat anything so I'm all spaced out due to not eating anything in the last 28 hours and curling up in a ball every now and again clutching my digestive system and begging it to stop the party. I'm also running a bit of a fever so I keep taking off all my clothes as I over heat.

And the child in the upstairs apartment has finally started to learn a new tune on the piano. The Freaking Wedding March!!! I was woken by it at 6.20am and have heard it on and off ever since I got home from work.

Seriously its time I went to bed already!

Memento Mori

.
James and I have got a new thing going on . . .

Memento Mori: Remember that you are mortal; life is short.
Grow, or else die as you are. Your choice.

Memento Mori isn't going to be instead of my site here, after all a lady always needs somewhere she can complain about dodgy phone calls and ramble on about chocolate, bubble baths and lingerie. But it's going to be a place where we can document our steps on the path towards happiness, so feel free to pop over and say hello.

Who was he?

.
I just had a phone call..........

The Man: "Hello is this Mia"

Mia: "Who is speaking" (Just in case its a Persian carpet seller - we get a lot of those here in HK)

The Man: Hi my name is Tod, your landlord Mr H gave me your number and said if I wanted to come and view the apartment at .....insert full address.... I should ring you and arrange a time that suits you.

Mia: Sorry, the agent is handling all the viewings and they know not to call me after 6pm.

The Man: Oh its ok, I talked to them earlier, they said that you live alone so I wouldn't be disturbing dinner or anything.

Mia: ". . . . . . . . insert speechless silence. . . .. . "

The Man: Hello Mia?

Mia: "Please don't call again, all bookings to view should be made through the agent "

The Man: Hey, I'm just nearby, perhaps I could just pop over?

Mia: "Now is not convenient, I am hosting a vodka drinking game with several large sailors"

The Man: OK, will talk to you tomorrow then.

OK so he sounded like a nice man, and I may have dated men I've met online before, and even met a guy for drinks who misdialled and got me when I was preparing for surgery in the past, but I do NOT invite men into my home on the basis of a nice voice after a 2 minute phone call.

Drama?

Well at least he is honest ........

I need an unstable woman for a drama filled relationship

Need a locksmith

.
Local locksmiths who advertise as having 24hr service are feeling my wrath* this morning, after the pleading didn't work on them when they tell me that they are too busy to come and break in to my bathroom for me.



Somehow my bathroom lock has decided to make itself known during the night, and now I can't get in. **

Have just had one guy over who fiddled with it for about 2 mins then shrugged his shoulders and said "bye bye"

Grrrrrr

Seriously this flat is falling apart around my ears since I gave my landlord my 2 months notice. I've had water pouring in through the study, fuses blown - because of the water obviously, washing machine just given up, window frame leaking in bedroom and now this.

*Although it seems my wrath is not terribly effective in getting them to change their mind!

**Luckily have very nice understanding next door neighbour who let me use her loo at 7.40am and her shower at 9.00am, but that is hardly a long term solution!

Update: 12.09 - The door is open. ~phew~

I'd love to

.
I just had a phone call from the mother of my children, ok so she's the mother of the children who are the closest thing I've got to having my own children. Anyway.......

In a couple of months there are going to be some rather significant birthdays being celebrated by my babies, and I want to be there, I'm going to be there. I confirmed my flight a few weeks ago and now the date for the party has been sent - 3 days after I arrive at their house.
Apparently last night over the dining table a discussion arouse about the band being booked, the caterers, the invitations and of course the alcohol that would be needed for this rather large event. Then someone mentioned cake, to which #1 CTIGTHMOC* said "Do you think that Mia would make it for us?" #2 CTIGTHMOC joined in with "Of course she will!"

Then the photo album came out and they looked at past cakes I've made for them, there was the princess castle - yes lots of pink! The Batman cake (that black food colouring took days to come off my fingers), the bowling alley with balls, Hickory Dickory Dock, the pirates treasure chest, the yellow duck, the racing car, the swimming pool, guitar, the football pitch, the rabbit, the piano, the cat, the ballerina, the volcano and many many more.

Of course I will, I'd love to.

*CTIGTHMOC = closest thing I've got to having my own children

Cherry

.
So, not sure what was going on last night, and thank you for all the very kind words that were sent. I especially liked the

"Oh, Mia, you're not alone, there's just nobody in the room with you at the moment :)"

I suspect that the last few months of uncertainty and decision making, along with fears and late night phone calls all got too much for me.





Today however everything is rosy, oodles of people around, it's a public holiday tomorrow to celebrate the big boy's birthday* and just to put the cherry on the cake, I got an invite to THE PARTY of the season.






* That would be Buddha, E@L is pretty important but the HK gov. are not using his birthday as an excuse for a day off work - sadly!

Whinging

.
Today has been odd, really odd. I've had some great things happen at work which I am really really pleased about ....but ......... it has totally brought home how terribly alone I am.

I know it was just a fluke but I called 8 different friends this evening to talk about the great stuff and all of them have their own lives to live and each one of them said they were busy and could they call me this weekend. So on what should be a really happy night I am instead sitting here feeling sorry for myself.

OK, whinge over, now its time to treat myself to something lovely. mmmmmm vanilla pudding!
Yes yes, I comfort eat, no surprise there surely!

National Vanilla Pudding Day

.
Yes, aparently today is National Vanilla Pudding Day!

Vanilla Pudding (from Real Simple)

1/2 cup sugar
3 tablespoons cornstarch
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 cups whole milk
2 egg yolks
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Whisk together the sugar, cornstarch, and salt in a saucepan. Pour ¼ cup of the milk into the sugar mixture, stirring to form a smooth paste. Whisk in the remaining milk and the egg yolks. Cook the pudding mixture over low heat, stirring continuously with a wooden spoon until thickened, about 15 minutes. Do not allow it to boil. Remove from heat and stir in the butter and vanilla. Scrape the pudding into a bowl. Cover with plastic wrap, pressing the surface to make an airtight seal and prevent a skin from forming. Refrigerate until well chilled, about 1 hour.

Good things

.
So Monday is almost over.
A horrible day at work turned into a great day.
I've just been promised a bar of English Dairy Milk chocolate tomorrow morning.
I've got a cold glass of Pimms at my side.
A jasmine scented bubble bath running.
Latest Ian Rankin novel.
And my father is hopefully coming out of hospital tomorrow.

It's all good.

Fear

.
Last night I had a crank call.

I think it was someone who knew the terror it would strike into my heart calling me - at 5am. They called again at 5.45am and again at 6.10am.

I think it was someone who has been reading through my pages after following a link here, someone playing games.

Each time I reached for and answered the phone my heart was in mouth, literally I stopped breathing, each time I just heard an open line. No one spoke or replied to my question.
Tonight I'm turning off all the phones, I've spoken to my nearest and dearest and warned them that I'll not be contactable "just in case" so hopefully tonight I'll get some sleep.

My question is

Why? Why try to cause me more pain?
Surely enough time has passed that I'm not of interest anymore.

Myself

.

2:16am

I got the call to say that the surgery went well.
Have just spoken to him and he seems tired but lucid - which is more than I was at 2:16am when I was woken by the phone.

He had a pain free night, but didn't sleep at all well, off to get some x-rays done in an hour to make sure that everything is all good.

Thanks to everyone for their good wishes

Still waiting

.
Due to the wonders of international time zones I had to wait for half a day before my father was even awake. Then apparently they decided to put him at the end of the days schedule due to his possible infectiousness ......... I've just heard that he has only NOW just gone into surgery.

~sigh~

It's going to be a long night.

Bit scared

.
Today my father is having an operation.
An operation that is very similar to the one he had almost 3 years ago which resulted in an infection which caused complete organ shut down, which resulted in me getting one of those dreaded 2am phone calls. A phone call that I often have nightmares about

***********

Sib: Hi sis it's me - wake up properly.
Mia: It's 2am here, are you drunk again?
Sib: No - are you properly awake?
Mia: Yes, I am now Sitting up in bed and suddenly feeling worried
Sib: Dad's been taken back into hospital, he collapsed, its not looking good, he is in a coma.
Mia: . . . . . . . .
Sib: Are you still there?
Mia: Yes. What should I do?
Sib: Get the next flight home. Call me back when you've sorted out a ticket, call the parents number I'll be there in 20 mins.
Mia: OK.

An hour later after battling with online booking of flight in the middle of the night and being unable to see through the tears I call back.

Mia: It's me.
Mother: Oh hello, how are you?
Mia: Ummm not the best, what's happening?
Mother: Oh not to worry, Daddy had a bit of a funny turn, do you want to speak to your sib?
Mia: Yes
Sib: Hi
Mia: It's me, ok, what's going on? Is Mother on valium already?
Sib: Mother is in her favourite place, denile. His organs have shut down, he is in a coma, on life support, its not looking very hopeful.
Mia: VERY HOPEFUL??? What does that mean?
Sib: It means, pack for a funeral - he's probably not going to make it through the next 24 hrs.
Mia: OK, what's the hospital number?

I call the hospital and speak to the ICU nurse who is sitting by my fathers machines.
Mia: Can you tell me what's happening?
Nurse: Sorry, we cant give out patient information over the phone.
Mia: But I'm calling from Hong Kong, my Mother seems to think its all ok, my Sib told me to pack for a funeral.
Nurse: I'm sorry but your Sib has got a more realistic view on the situation. I'm sorry.
Mia: (in tears) OK, thank you, please look after my Daddy.
Nurse: We will do our best, how soon can you get here?
Mia: The flight doesn't leave till after noon (It's nearly 4am now) and takes 13 hours, and that just gets me to London.
Nurse: I'm sorry.

I call a friend in the North of England, he instantly offers to drive from Liverpool to London to meet me and drive me up North - 4 hours drive each way. My flight gets in very late at night so he will leave for London after a full day at work - he's a good friend.

I call a friend here in HK, I wake her from her sleep and I cry. She throws on some clothes and comes over to sit with me while I pack, while I pack for my fathers funeral. She leaves to go to work while I sit there. I email work and tell them I have to take emergency leave. Itake myself off to the airport hours ahead of time, as if me sitting there at the depture gate will make the hours pass quicker.
I cry.

I get on the plane, I've no idea who is sitting beside me, the TV's are not working, I think I probably cry the whole way there, I mourn my father, I don't expect to ever see him again. I cry. (later I feel sorry for the poor people sat around me, at the time I have no idea who is there)

I arrive in London, I wake through the gates and see my dear friend C, he has chocolate in one hand and a large box of tissues in the other - he knows me so well. He holds me close

C: I spoke with your Sib last an hour ago, your Dad is still alive.

He hands me his phone, I call my sib - my poor sib who is having to deal with all of this, to step up and organise things, to make heart wrenching phone calls to people he loves in the middle of the night.

Mia: Hi, its me, I've landed.
Sib: Ok, get C to get you up here, SAFELY, the ICU said you can go straight in - we are all taking it in turns as they only let 2 people by the bed.
Mia: It's going to be 2am before I get there.
Sib: Thats ok, the staff said to come in, don't wait till morning.
Mia: Oh......

C drives me up North, he talks to me about his children, about his new gf, about all sorts of things, he tries to engage me in conversation and then he lets me have some time to just stare out of the window. We arrive at the hospital, I see my older sister's car in the near deserted visitors car park. C takes my hand and we find the ICU. My sib comes out just as we get close. My sib hugs me (my sib never ever hugs me!) He points out the bed that is holding an old man, an old man hooked up to wires and tubes. He doesn't look like my father - my father was cutting down garden hedges with an electric chain saw just 3 weeks ago.
I go and sit beside him, I hold his hand, I tell him I'm here.

The next 4 days pass with the staff telling us to be realistic about his chances, but that they are surprised that he has fought so hard. We tell them not to be surprised, that Daddy has been given his 'orders' by us, he has to pull through this. And Daddy is a man who has long followed orders. We have to sign papers and give permission for amputation - for anything that will help him to get through this.
And he pulls through. The next 2 weeks are spent making notes on the ridiculous things that he is saying to us during his drug induced haze

"went out drinking with Keith Richards last night, feeling a bit rough today" !!!

"tonight Ted and I are going to break out that guy in bed 3, he's undercover and needs to get back to make his report"

"I'm heading off to the Grand Prix next Saturday, do you want to come?"

Also making notes on the sometimes conflicting information that the different organ specialists are giving us. Its not a great time.

After 2 weeks my siblings both return to work, after all they will have to be on hand when I return to Hong Kong but for now its me that is driving my mother to the hospital every day and sitting with her while she talks about how she wants her body to be used for medical studies and her ashes to be scattered. Its not an easy time for any of us.

I return to Hong Kong, after making a deal with my father, if he makes it to Christmas then I'll come 'home' as well. (I have never returned to the UK for Christmas any other year)
He keeps his end of the deal, and so do I.

Physically he is a shadow of the man he once was, mentally he is weaker as well. He's never able to travel overseas, to take that 3 month trip around Asia that they had planned. But he's alive, he gets to spend time being a Grandpa, he gets to hear about his children's adventures (well some of them!!) and he moves on with his life.

But........... today he has another operation, very similar to the last.

So today I'm a bit scared. Tomorrow I'll still be a bit scared and will probably be a bit scared for a few weeks until everything is recovered from and he is safely home.

Did you know?

.
British women have the biggest breasts in Europe.

The average breast size in the UK is between 36C to 34E compared to 10 years ago when it was 34B.

Nearly 80% of women are wearing the wrong bra size.

Breast reduction operations were up 19% in 2006.

Half of women in the UK would consider plastic surgery; 36% would consider a breast operation.

It is estimated that 26,000 women had a breast enlargement in 2006.

My big breasts

Oh la la

.
I've just got the last of the quotes in, and sexy French man is the 2nd cheapest - and funnily enough offers the best 'extras'. I'm thinking he might just get the job!

Signs that he is not 'the one'

.
On the first date when he asks what's your favourite part of your job, (good question) he hears your reply then says "well that's a waste of time isn't it"

At the sight of a simple silk scarf he says (in a panicky tone) "You're not putting anything up my arse"

When given the choice of sci fi and foreign language film he chooses the subtitles!

When watching Lost for the first time, he whines on about the laws of physics and how the plane engine couldn't possibly still be running - again and again and again.

Mother's Day

.
Today is worse than Valentine's Day. At least in February most people understand what it is like to have a broken heart and to not want to celebrate a day of pink fluffy candies. But ignoring Mother's Day, well that is a lot more difficult for people to accept, so I've kept a low profile today and not said much to anyone.

I'm not a mother, and probably never will be.

My mother has spent most of my life telling me how useless, undeserving of happiness and unlovable I am.


I had 2 God Mothers, one who divorced out of the family and lost touch with me when I was about 8 years old. I didn't hear from her again till she died and found out that she had left me a nice little bequest in her will. I wish she'd made contact with me earlier.



My other Godmother is T who I loved dearly, she died 10 years ago, struck down by cancer within 5 months and I miss her so very much, especially when I've got wonderful news to share. As a teenager on Mother's Day I would send her flowers and cards and pretend she was my mother, she had no children of her own and always let me know how special I was to her. Today if I think about Mother's Day at all then I wish she were still here for me to call and tell her I love her.









Today I read these Mother's Day Secrets at Post Secret

And the postcard that I would have come closest to sending is this one


But I'm not quite there yet. There is a tiny part of my heart that still has hopes and dreams and is willing to jump through all her hoops if only she'd just love me. But the rest of me knows that this won't ever happen and I should just accept it. That's hard to do.

Choices

.
Over the last week I've met with representatives of 5 different companies, all putting in a bid for my contract. Now all the bids are in I'm sitting here making up an excel sheet with all the different numbers/details, however I'm wondering what kind of weighting I give the very very sexy French man from company C just for being gorgeous!
~sigh~
Seriously if all things were equal then yes, I'd give his company the job, just to get the chance to speak with him again.

Perfect

.
It is official, I have a certificate to prove it.....

~~~ I am perfect ~~~

My wonderful lovely fantastic surgeon told me so!

Ok, so he was only talking about a certain area of my body, but what the heck I'm sooooooo happy to hear it!

Mother

.
I just left this long winded comment at LC's place when he talks a little about his relationship with his mother

*******

I totally understand where you are coming from.
In a moment of utter madness and alcohol I invited my parents to come and visit me from England, never for a second did I think they would actually come, because

a) I gave them a narrow time slot when they'd be welcome - only 3 weeks away
b) My Mother doesn't like to fly
c) I was pretty sure that their passports were probably out of date
d) They surely wouldn't be able to get time off work at such short notice.
and
e) Who has enough spare cash sitting around for an international flight x 2

She said yes!
They got their passports fast tracked and leave from work and had apparently been putting some money aside 'just in case you invited us'.

Sh1t.

My siblings were so unbelieving that I'd invited her that they both called to ask if I was on drugs.

The day she was due to fly in to my country I met a friend for lunch and cried, yes cried that my mother was coming to visit my house.
3 hours after they arrived I was on my bathroom floor vomiting and sobbing uncontrollably that she was in my house for the next 10 days.

It was bad.

I got through it (mainly with the help of alcohol and booking them lots of tours!) and I've never been alone in a room with her (willingly) since.

Friends who have 'proper' relationships with their parents just don't understand. It's good to know someone else who does.

Link of the Day

.
Seen at one of my favourite advice sites - Smart at Love.

When a man does a vanishing act

One moment he's a part of your life.

As a matter of fact, whether it's the early stages of dating, or the beginning of a relationship, things between you seem to be going along rather nicely.

Anyway...that's what you think.

The next moment - presto chango - he's GONE! No more contact. No explanation.

Now that he's disappeared, your private hell has just begun. Trying to figure out what went wrong. Questioning your perception of what you two shared. Dealing with a range of reactions, from denial to anger to sadness.

And you want to DO something, rather than feeling so dumped and powerless.

Breath

.
The last 3 days have skimmed past me, too many things going on in my life to pay attention to means that something has to give. At this moment I'm not sure what it is, but I know that yesterday I sat surrounded by the contents of my bookshelf - and I cried.

I have a 'things to do' list which is spiralling out of control, this afternoon I added 5 lines and only crossed off 2 this morning.

There's no one to share the fear, the excitement or the future with. And it scares me at the same time as it thrills me.

Meanwhile, I just have to remember to breath.

No licence required

.
Yet another heart breaking report of child abuse

A couple is accused of child endangerment after her 10-year-old son ran away from home with his younger brother and told investigators he was tired of being put in a dog cage, police said. The older boy also had been forced to wear a remote-controlled shock collar, authorities said. ........ ..

..... The older boy and his 5-year-old brother ran away from home Tuesday night when their father was away and their mother was dancing at a strip club, police said. They were found a few blocks away on a neighbor's porch.

Flip

.
Today whilst blurfing I read something that made my tummy flip, and not in a good way. Lets just say that a long hot shower later I still feel a tad icky.

Repeat not needed

.
A significant 'event' appeared on my calendar today, well not significant to me but to someone I once held close. Two years ago I entered this 'event' in my calendar and chose the 'repeat annually' function, not for a moment did I imagine that just 2 short years later it wouldn't be valid - to me. So spurred on by this I went through the rest of my annual repeats to see what else was no longer needed. I deleted the following

#Anniversaries
# Birthdays
# Deaths
# First day at new job/new country
# First day home from a war zone

And a couple of other more private significant dates, none of which are cause for celebration anymore, all related to various past relationships.

This little exercise has just brought home to me how hopeful and positive I have been over the last few years, where as now, now I'd just like to know what is going to be happening in 4 weeks time.

Is he 12?

.
I've recently had an email from someone I used to chat with quite a bit - but not so much these days. It seems to me as though he is doing the email version of knocking on my door then running away. After weeks of silence he drops me an email saying something like

"hi, how you doing? whats going on with you?"

So being the polite well mannered lady I am, I answer him. I scatter a couple of amusing lines through a couple of paragraphs where I actually answer his questions and tell him what is going on, I ask how plan X and Y is going in his life since we last spoke and then I say goodbye.

Do I hear from him again? Nope until ...... after weeks of silence he drops me an email saying something like

"hi, how you doing? whats going on with you?"

So what is he? 12 years old?
And why does he do that?

New toy

.
One of the side effects of hanging out with boys who like shiny new things is ........ buying new toys for self seems like a really good idea.

So far it is!

Visitors

.
I've got a Justin Timberlake lookalike coming to visit me this weekend. I do so love having visitors, for oddles of reasons

# It's an excuse to bake cupcakes.



# It's an excuse to go to some of my favourite tourist spots.



# It's an excuse to go out for a few drinks.



# That really high light bulb might actually get changed*



But most of all, its good to be able to giggle at a funny accent


* This of course is only likely when tall visitors come to town! Not so likely when my sister visits, given that she is 4ft 11,

Average

.
The average person will eat over 10,000 bars of chocolate, shed 121 pints of tears and have sex more than 4,200 times

Well I guess 2 out of 3 isn't so bad!

Full story here

Typo of the day

.
Subject line from Marie Claire magazine email

Spice girls reunite at Geri's daughter's funeral

- ummm I think they meant to write 'christening'

Update 25 minutes later:

marieclaire.co.uk would like to apologise for the email which went out this morning with an error in the subject line.

Someone is going to be in trouble!

St.George

.

The Story of St.George

Dragon slayer, man of courage and defender of justice against the odds, Saint George is one of Christianity's most celebrated heroes. Revered by millions throughout many countries it seems ironic that we should know so little of the life of this major historical figure. There is some speculation as to whether George was a soldier in the Roman army who died a martyr's death in Asia Minor (Nicomedia) in AD 303, but there is no proof of this theory, there isn't even any evidence to prove his actual existence although it does seem highly unlikely that such a powerfully strong legend could be based upon a purely fictional character.

Be they fact or fiction, the narratives surrounding St. George have inspired generations. The most famous tale is definitely that of St. George and the dragon, a story which has resulted in the renown which his legacy enjoys throughout the world today. This tale is invoked as an example of the eternal struggle between the powers of good and evil and in courage and defiance in the face of great odds. It also bears similarities to the Anglo-Saxon saga Beowulf and the Germanic tale of heroic Siegfried and his slaying of the dragon Fafnir, and it ensures that St. George firmly occupies a place alongside these great heroes of European legend.

St. George has been the patron saint of England since the Middle Ages, when he is said to have appeared to the crusading armies on a number of occasions during their campaigns to secure the holy land. It was probably during the reign of Richard I that the cross of St George was instituted as the banner of the English army, a banner that later became, and remains, the flag of England. Also in remembrance of the valiant feats achieved by this hero, the 23rd of April has been celebrated as St George's day since the late Middle Ages. The date marks that of the death of the martyr who met his end by the Roman Emperor Diocletian on the very same date in 303. Whether this particular soldier was indeed St George remains uncertain. What is certain is that the 23rd of April is a day to remember our hero and the example that he set us. May the bravery of St. George continue to inspire our people to great acts for a thousand more generations!

Eb and Flow

.
Just last night I was thinking about the eb and flow of bloggers, about how few of my 'must reads' of only 18 months ago are still the ones I turn to when I log on for my blogfix. And then today I log in and see that Wombat at the wonderful Kiss & Blogg has decided to call The End.
I understand completely that sometimes the world takes a turn which means that something has to give, after all it was only 5 months ago that I took a time out, so although I will greatly miss Wombat's often thought provoking, frequently amusing posts I do understand.

Plus, some of my favourite writers have been introduced to me via the K&B blogroll.

Bye Wombat, you're welcome here any time.

How brave?

.
Top tip to self

When someone recommends a TV show to you, take into consideration how 'brave' he is v's how brave you are - especially when the show is about the paranormal.
I've just lasted the first 2 minutes of the very first episode of Supernatural - had to turn it off because I just can't deal with scary men standing over babies cots in the middle of the night.
I might just skip to episode two!
I love scary movies, books and shows normally, but on a Sunday evening when I'm home alone - then hmmmm maybe not. Time for some Battlestar Galactica instead I think!

Beehive

.

I've just found a new place to help me indulge my love of baking.

Afternoon Tea

.
Flourless Chocolate Cake With Fresh Blackberry Sauce
From San Francisco Examiner

For the cake:
2 oz unsweetened chocolate, in pieces
4 oz semisweet chocolate, in small pieces
9 tablespoons butter
12 tablespoons sugar
3 tablespoons ground almonds
5 large eggs, separated
pinch of salt

For the chocolate icing:
4 tablespoons butter
2 oz unsweetened chocolate
2 oz semisweet chocolate
3 tablespoons whipping cream
2/3 cup sifted confectioner's sugar
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

For the fresh blackberry sauce:
2 cups fresh blackberries
1/2 cup confectioner's sugar
1/4 cup kirsch
1 tablespoon lemon juice

1. For the cake: Preheat the oven to 350°F. Oil the bottom of a 9-by-3 inch round springform pan. Line the bottom with wax paper. Oil and flour the wax paper and shake out the excess flour.
2. Prepare the cake. Place both chocolates in the top of a double boiler over simmering water and stir until melted. Remove the pan from the heat and use a rubber spatula to scrape the chocolate into a medium-size bowl. Allow it to cool for 3 minutes.
3. Gradually add the butter to the chocolate, stirring well. Then add 9 tablespoons of the sugar and the ground almonds. Stir in the egg yolks, one at a time.
4. Place the egg whites and salt in a bowl and beat with an electric mixer until they form soft peaks.
5. Add the remaining 3 tablespoons sugar and beat until the whites hold their shape but are not too stiff.
6. Fold the whites, in thirds, into the chocolate mixer. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and smooth the top with a rubber spatula. Bake for 35 minutes.
7. Allow the cake to cool in the pan on a wire rack for 15 minutes. Then carefully remove the sides of the springform pan. Cover the top with a wire rack and invert the cake and the rack together. Carefully remove the bottom of the pan and peel off the wax paper. Place a second wire rack over the bottom of the cake and invert it once again, so the top faces up. Allow to cool completely on the rack.
8. Prepare the icing: melt the butter and both of the chocolates in the top of a double boiler over simmering water, whisking constantly. Remove the pan from the heat and whisk in the cream. Add the confectioner's sugar and the vanilla and whisk until smooth.
9. Place the cake on a rack on top of a baking sheet to catch the drips and pour the warm icing over the cake. Spread it with a long, thin cake icer or spatula, making sure the sides are iced too. Let the cake rest for two hours for the icing to set.
10. Make the blackberry sauce: Combine all the ingredients in a food processor or blender and process until pureed. Pass the sauce through a strainer to remove the seeds.
11. Use immediately or refrigerate, covered, for up to three days. Bring to room temperature before serving. Makes 1 1/2 cups.

Drilling

.
30 seconds before I receive a very important conference call the people upstairs start drilling - this was not good!

My imaginary friend

.
Last night I was a littttttle bit tipsy, and I can't sleep when I'm tipsy - actually I didn't even try. What I did instead was to have a long rambling conversation on the phone with my sister (yeah for time zones!) . She was blatantly laughing at me for being so tipsy - especially when I told her just how little I had actually drunk. But what amused her most of all was that I kept making reference to 'we'.

The thing is, she was asking me questions about decisions I'm in the process of making and I was talking her through the various repercussions of each option. Then she pointed out that I was using the word 'we' instead of 'I', she asked if I had neglected to tell her about someone significant in my life - my answer (which made her laugh so hard) was

"Nope, there is no 'us', but if I use the word 'we' then I can pretend at least for a little while that I am not having to take total responsibility for these major decisions ALL BY MYSELF"

So the conversation then swung around the subject of the name of my imaginary friend who is helping me make these choices. And the name I settled on is Max.
By the end of the conversation it had been decided, when things get too tough then I'm just going to let Max make the decisions. Right, so thats sorted then.

Favorite line of the day

.

" I should lend you my nipples, its not as if they are doing anything useful!"

Maybe

.
Tonight I think I was being wooed.
Yes, I think. Not sure, will just have to see if this pans out. But I had a great Martini no matter what the outcome!

Only damp around the edges

.
Landlord is away on holiday, workers who caused the leak upstairs have been informed.

I managed to 'save' half a tub of ice cream from being defrosted last night - without a seconds hesitation I threw myself selflessly into the situation and ate it. Felt a bit sick.

Removed computer and all other electrical accessories from the pool, was very impressed with self for being able to untangle and re tangle all cables successfully - by candle light -while standing in a pool of water - half expected to unearth a mouse with a nest from inside the wires - honestly! Luckily all my plugs have labels on so I knew just what to plug back in i.e. I won't be bothering with my printer, palm pilot, docking port for camera, desk lamp and headphones for a few days.
Did managed to get the basics all plugged in and obviously (well I'm typing this right!) up and running without any mishaps - however new location is not ideal and luckily I don't have any house guests this weekend!

Then lit a few more candles and made a chicken curry on the gas cooker to use up all that delicious highly expensive organic chicken I bought the day before that was sitting in the fridge, went to the local supermarket and bought a huge bag of ice and stuffed it around the rest of the food in the not very cold fridge (took rest of food to work today and treated everyone to lunch - hopefully have not killed anyone). This morning when the sun came up and before going to work I isolated the fuses for the study/indoor pool and regained power to the rest of the apartment - this was useful as it allowed the hot water to be heated for a shower!

Meanwhile I've moped up all the water, put towels and plastic bags around the sockets - in case there is more rain tonight, thrown out the 2 rugs that are ruined - after taking photos for insurance, sorted through ruined photos that were stacked in a box - now soaked, taken paintings off walls and put in a safer place - not damaged so far, taken sofabed cover to laundrette to get cleaned and created a huge pile of 'stuff' in the middle of the room.

Anyone for chicken curry?